One of the things that slows our generation to finding a person to love forever is the idea that we need to be convinced or compelled to love someone. At first glance, that doesn’t sound all that bad. Of course you don’t want to constantly “give your heart away” and fall in love with every prospective mate out there. But I actually think our generation errs on the opposite side of the spectrum.
Instead, we only allow our heart to love if there is (are) some-thing(s) about that person that is so amazing, so compelling, so impressive, so alluring, and so magnificent that we can’t walk away.
Men will wait, and wait, and wait to pursue until they find this person, and women won’t allow themselves to be attracted to anyone besides this person. So I’ve come up with a few questions to ask yourself to determine if you’re waiting to be swept off your feet by this “unicorn” before you either pursue or respond.
- Do you constantly come up with reasons why someone isn’t good enough for you?
- It’s not that you have a huge ego (or maybe you do, but that’s besides the point here), but no one is ever up to par for you.
- It’s just that you’re never really interested in anybody. There’s no girl that catches your eye, and there’s never a guy that you really want to go on a date with.
- Are you only attracted to the “coolest of the cool,” the “best of the best,” the “richest of the rich,” or the “most beautiful of the beautiful?”
- That may be a little extreme, but people who NEED to be swept off their feet are never impressed by the normal folk out there.
- But if you aren’t Russell Wilson, Beyonce, or Gisele, then you’re also part of the normal folk.
- Are you picky about non-foundational traits?
- Standards are good. You have to have them. They’ll guide you to the right person for you. BUT, have you brought your standards to God in prayer? That sounds SO spiritual…but have you? If you haven’t, it’s possible you that you’re really picky about things that aren’t that important.
- For example: You’re waiting for a “leader,” and you’ve come up with 85 different definitions of the word and what it means to you, and no one ever measures up. Or you’re waiting for an entrepreneur businessman that has a flexible schedule and makes enough money to provide you with a luxury vehicle and gives you the option to stay at home and raise your babies on a comfortable income…whew…that’s a lot of descriptives…Non-foundational? YES!
- If you weren’t picky about non-foundational traits, then you’d be more attracted to more people because your small list of 5 or so non-negotiables would be leading your attractions rather than your surface-level list of non-foundational wants that are leading your attractions.
If you’re ready to get married; if you genuinely want to get married; if you can’t wait to get married; if you, deep down in your heart, believe marriage is part of your destiny, then you won’t have to wait to be COMPELLED to love someone. When the time is right, and the right person comes along, then it’ll happen. You won’t walk away from that person or that opportunity because you’re waiting for some fantasy to come to life. Until then, keep your attractions, your wants, your desires, and your “list” in check with the Holy Spirit.