A couple of years ago I worked at one of the top public relations agencies in the world; literally, it was #2. It was #2 because Microsoft was it’s main client, and well, Microsoft is…Microsoft. For the first few months I enjoyed it, but I slowly began to deeply hate my job.
I felt like the team secretary, every task I performed was scrutinized and criticized, I didn’t feel like anything I did was good enough, I didn’t have the authority to make any decisions, so I had to ask those above me who had to ask those above them and above them and above them, I had zero autonomy, and I didn’t feel like I could be myself. I liked the company, but hated my role. So I left. I took another position at a company that wasn’t prestigious and no one knew about.
I think if I really enjoyed that position, my life would’ve taken a different trajectory, one of public relations, which wasn’t even a dream of mine. Instead, my discomfort took me away from that path and through a series of steps, led me to fulfilling a dream of mine – writing.
In the same way, single men and women need to sense enough discomfort in their singleness to motivate them to get married.
I believe most people want marriage, but enjoy their marriage to themselves – their singleness – too much. Your immediate response to that statement is probably an urge to argue with me. How much is too much? It’s a good thing that I enjoy being single! Why would you imply that I shouldn’t enjoy my singleness?
Look…you should enjoy being single. Obviously. But I do believe there is a too much that applies to enjoying your season of singleness. When you’re single and want to get married, but you’re NOT motivated to meet new people, or motivated to make yourself more physically attractive, or motivated to make yourself more approachable, or motivated to say yes to dates or to ask out on dates, or motivated to open your heart to just any Joe Schmoe or Plane Jane (because usually those who are waiting for the best of the best of the best, whatever that is, are actually just keeping themselves single likely because they’re afraid of commitment and/or afraid of failure), then ultimately, you’re not really motivated to get married!
You like the idea of marriage, you want marriage, you think maybe it’s for you, but you’re doing absolutely nothing to work towards that dream, because if you’re honest with yourself it’s not really a dream of yours. It’s just a hope.
Faith motivates you to dream; faith motivates you to believe; faith motivates you to act. Faith gives you the strength to believe and continue to pursue your dream even when there’s no sign that your dream will come to pass. Hope is good, but it doesn’t compel you to action. And it’s not strong enough to keep you dreaming.
You have to have enough internal discomfort in your season of singleness to motivate you to dream, to believe, to act. Otherwise, you’ll never leave your current season of life if you’re too comfortable in it. I’m convinced the reason I hated my job at that public relations agency so much was because if I was too comfortable I would’ve stayed in a place that would’ve led me away from my dreams, not to them.
It’s ok to feel pain, discomfort, and longing for something else in your season of singleness…that means you’ll be motivated enough to dream for marriage, and that motivation will cause you to ACT and eventually move on from that season of singleness.
Embrace the discomfort. Let it motivate you to dream. And let it motivate you to move on from your current season of singleness.