How Do You Know if You’re in Love?

Love is a funny word. It has so many different definitions to so many different people. Some fall in love extremely easily, while others never seem to be able to love. So then, what is love? And how do you know if you’re in love? Well, I asked a few people how they knew they were in love, and these are their answers:

“Love wasn’t just a feeling. It was much more. Love was something that my husband and I took time to build. I knew I fell in love with my husband when he put God and my relationship with Jesus Christ as number one. I knew he truly loved me when he put my spiritual well-being and happiness above his own.”

“When I couldn’t picture my life without him or with anybody else. I had peace about spending the rest of my life with him.”

“When you’re in love, you just know. It’s clear. He’s always on your mind when you’re not together and you miss him all the time – you can go on the most elaborate, romantic date, or just sit at home and do nothing together, and you’re perfectly happy.”

“The moment I knew I loved my husband was very clear. When we were getting to know each other, God told me to take a job opportunity that meant moving hundreds of miles away from him. When he encouraged me to follow God’s voice, he told me God would never fail me. I knew in that moment this was a man who would always put Jesus first in our relationship, and trust Him more than anything else. Four years after that conversation we are now married and more in love than ever! It makes me fall in love with him more everyday knowing he puts Jesus first in his life, and in our relationship.”

I knew I was in love with Sean when I realized I didn’t want to end our relationship. That probably sounds weird, but I knew I wanted to keep dating him…I wanted to be with him because I really, really liked him. I couldn’t find anything wrong with him, I didn’t have any red flags, I respected him, and I knew he’d make a good husband and father. I had incredibly deep and strong feelings for him, I liked him more than I had ever liked anyone else. He made me smile every time I was with him.

You know, if you Google the word “love,” the definition that appears is this: “an intense feeling of deep affection,” or the verb form is to “feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).” Here, love is defined as a feeling. In the church, at least churches I’ve been to, love has been defined as a choice. My opinion is that we feel love for many things and people, but staying in love is a choice. This doesn’t mean after you’ve been in love with someone for a few years (or months) that you no longer feel love for him or her, it just means that when those feelings come and go, your choice to love is what keeps you in love.

Love isn’t always romantic, nor should it be. We don’t live in Rom-Com (romantic comedies, for my male readers) reality, we live in real-life reality. There are bills to pay, babies to raise, work to do, and mouths to feed. Often, real life doesn’t give you romantic, sweet, fuzzy feelings. But this doesn’t mean you can’t feel and/or choose love for your significant other.

So, if you’re in a relationship, are you in love? Can you see yourself choosing love every day for the rest of your life with this person? Do you think your significant other can also choose love for you forever?

Talk to those more experienced than you, those you admire and trust, those who have more wisdom than you in the area of love. Most of all, talk to the Holy Spirit. Simply ask God: “Is he the right person for me? Show me what to do.”


Psalm 32:8 – ‘“The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”’ (NLT)

Isaiah 30:21 – ‘“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”’ (NIV)

Psalm 48:14 – “For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and he will guide us until we die.” (NLT)

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  • Reply
    Tim Burroughs
    11/17/2015 at 6:16 am

    Starr, I agree that you choose to love someone. I had an experience 37 years ago where at the feet of Jesus, He told me that Debbie was the woman He had picked for me and my needs. He spoke the same truth to Debbie. We have been happily married for over 36 years, so far. Every day I am excited to see what that day will bring as I encourage her to live for Jesus and do her best, and she does the same for me. I love her! She loves me! But we both love Jesus and all He has brought to our lives, including you.

    • Reply
      11/19/2015 at 7:18 am

      I didn’t realize God spoke so clearly to both of you before getting married. Your relationship is definitely an example to follow! Thank you both for loving each other so well!!

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