Some people have this amazing ability to be themselves from the get-go. They’re confident, fun, engaging, playful and vulnerable. Most, however, have a difficult time just being themselves, especially on a date. Instead, they’re nervous, concerned about what the other person is thinking, a little unsure, and maybe a little awkward.
We all want to be with the fun, engaging, outgoing, and confident person, even when we don’t exhibit those same traits. We all feel most comfortable with the person who is comfortable with themselves.
Yet, men and women have the same complaint: “How can you say you don’t want to see me again after date two? You don’t even know me!”
For example, a girl will just KNOW that a guy isn’t right for her after a couple dates, yet when a different guy, that she is actually interested in, won’t ask her out on a 3rd or 4th date, she cries to her girlfriends about how he didn’t even give her a chance to show him who she really was. She expects him to have patience and grace towards her, but she won’t extend that same kindness.
Why is this a recurring problem? It’s because we don’t give ourselves time for feelings or attractions to develop. Our culture wants everything NOW…including an immediate feeling of attraction, lust, and/or love.
What To Do:
- Work on First Impressions. You are Great. You are Fun. You are Kind. You have goals and dreams. You have things to talk about. You know how to ask good questions. Figure out how to let YOU shine through..immediately. Figure. It. Out.
- Be Patient with others. STOP meeting someone of the opposite sex and instantly judging them. STOP going on dates and immediately writing that person off. Instead, extend grace and be patient. Approach the opposite sex with the goal of making a friend and learn how to become genuinely interested that person.
- How many of your “best” friends became your “best” friends on the 1st or 2nd day you hung out? Not many, right? It takes time to get to know and fall in love (usually).
- Be Patient with yourself. It’s hard, and exhausting, to always show interest; to always be kind; to always be patient; to always refrain from judgment; to always ask questions/answer questions. You can’t microwave these traits and become an overnight expert, but you can constantly work towards them.
Since people put extreme importance on first impressions and chemistry (even to a fault), it’s invaluable to learn how to let YOU shine through.