How to Communicate Better with Men

Women are said to be better communicators than men. I realize that is a sweeping generalization and unfair to many men who are excellent communicators. But…still…I personally believe most women are better communicators than most men.

Yet, at the same time, women can be terribly confusing. They might say one thing then act differently. They might contradict themselves or change their minds frequently. They might even lie or manipulate to get the desired outcome. So though women desire communication, which causes us to feel more connected, our communication style can be confusing for many men.

So I’ve come up with three basic strategies for women to adopt in order to help them communicate better with men!

  1. Tell the Truth
  • This sounds obvious, but ask yourself: How often do I lie? And little fibs count.
  • I’m not trying to imply that all women are liars – that’s far from reality. But women tend to say what they think the other person wants to hear, even if it’s not true.
    • For example when someone asks, How are you doing? What’s wrong? Is there anything I can help with? Why are you upset?, how honest is your answer?
    • Hopefully, you are or will be with someone who cares enough to ask these types of questions. But once that person does ask something along these lines, the best way to solve the issue or to communicate your feelings, is to be up front and honest immediately.
  • Sometimes women don’t tell the truth because it’s just easier to agree in order to avoid an argument or confrontation. Agreement isn’t equal to a lie, but it can still cause confusion because it can imply something that isn’t true. (Simple example: you hate burgers, but you always go to that burger joint your man loves!)
    • This can be an OK route to take. Usually, it’s no big deal. UNTIL, it becomes a big deal. If you find yourself feeling resentful because your significant other never does what you want to do, or doesn’t seem to be considerate, or no longer asks for your opinion, then it’s time to communicate your opinion even if the result is an argument.
    • Pick and choose what is important enough for you to communicate. If you always say you don’t care (even when you do), or if you never have an opinion (even if you do), then it eventually becomes your fault if the other person just doesn’t get you. They can’t read your mind…or understand your wants…or understand what’s bothering you unless you communicate this information. This bring me to my next point…
  1. State your wants and expectations CLEARLY
  • Don’t beat around the bush hoping your man will understand what you’re trying to say. Say what you want to say instead of playing the guessing game.
    • If he didn’t understand what you wanted for your birthday, or that you didn’t like his gift, or that you didn’t want to go to that social event, or that when he does this particular thing it really upsets you, then it’s probably your fault.
    • I’m not trying to be a woman-basher here, but there’s a level of ownership you must take in the communication game. Try being more clear and speak in an outline format rather than a novel format.
      • If you want him to throw you a birthday party, say I want you to organize and throw me a birthday party. This, this and this are some gift ideas. And at my birthday party I’d like these people invited and I’d like you to have it here, and get these people to help you decorate, etc. You may wonder what the point is for him to throw you the party if you have to be so straightforward and clear about what you want…Well, it does take some of the planning off your back. And if it really upsets you that you have to be that clear about what you want because he just doesn’t get what you want, then forget about having your man around and keep your girlfriends around instead. Seriously.
    • You don’t want to say what you want because you want your man to know what you want. When you’re that clear about your wants, needs, and expectations then the result feels artificial. When you get what you want it doesn’t feel genuine because you had to spell out what you wanted. Wouldn’t it mean so much more if he took the initiative to talk to your girlfriends about what type of party you wanted, and then executed that vision without your input? Absolutely. Yes, without a doubt! And some men can do that!! But there are plenty that either can’t or won’t…and I don’t think those men love their woman any less! If this is your man (either right now or in the future), then you’ll need to learn to communicate very clearly.
    • And as for the outline format versus the novel format…figure out what you want to communicate and state your main points. Do your best to communicate your thoughts in a simplified, outline style of communication. But this can be really hard to do when you don’t know your main points, which brings up my next point…
  1. Understand yourself and your feelings, THEN speak
  • Apply this to the situations that make sense to you…Obviously, you don’t always have to figure it out before you talk. But if it’s a touchv subject you’re bringing up, then know exactly what it is you want to say. If there is something bothering you, figure out exactly what’s bothering you and communicate that. Instead of mulling over something that happened in the past, figure out how to communicate your feelings regarding that situation in a straightforward, gracious manner.
  • This is really tough to do, unless you’re a communication genius. It requires the individual, woman or man, to take a step back, evaluate their thoughts and feelings, and then communicate them in the best way possible.
  • If you’re the type of person that needs to talk out loud to figure out what you’re thinking, then a good option is to hash out your thoughts with a girlfriend, or tell your significant other that you have to talk it through your thoughts to figure yourself out. Then tell them they need to listen and remain patient (don’t forget to say the listen and patient part…that’s communicating clearly!).

When communicating with men, I think the best route is to be honest and clear. Talking with your girlfriends is not the same as talking to your man…yet so many women treat it the same! What’s ironic about this post is that the word count is at least double all my other posts, which is how most women communicate most often. It’s a gift that needs to be tailored to fit a specific need at a specific time with a specific person. And I hope using these strategies will help you do just that!

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