If you find yourself chronically attracted to the wrong type of person, you must take the time to evaluate why. Remember, you’re the one that is attracted to them. Whether you know it or not, the characteristics that person has is what is most important to you. If looks are most important, then anyone who has the type of look you like will catch your eye. If stability is most important, you’ll always be drawn to the stable person.
If your “type” is never the right type, then you’re giving certain characteristics a higher level of importance than they should have. Once you figure out how to detect the wrong type for you, you will begin to see a pattern develop. Once you figure out that pattern, then you can reassess your attractions and begin to choose differently.
Follow the below steps in order to learn how to detect the wrong type for you:
- Figure out what the “wrong type” is.
- Definition of the wrong type: When you find yourself drawn to and attracted to a certain “type,” and that type never works out for you, that person is the wrong type.
- Write down all of the characteristics he or she has that keeps the relationship from lasting.
- Now determine the common themes among all the “wrong types.”
- Narrow down your list of what makes him or her wrong for you. What are the top 1, 2 or 3 things that cause you to be drawn to the wrong type…over and over again?
- Ask yourself why you’re drawn to people who have those characteristics, even though they never work out for you.
- You have to be introspective here…
- What is it about you that causes you to be attracted to them? Why can’t you be attracted to different kinds of people? Why aren’t you ever attracted to a guy (or gal) that wants what you want (a marriage, a family, to be loyal/faithful/loving/kind, etc.)?
- Your heart and your physical attraction can’t be the only factors that determine your type.
- Use your head…be rational and logical. If your heart is always leading you to the wrong person, then choose common sense, good judgment and discernment over your feelings.
- If the type you always go for never seems to have a job, or always seems to be mean and controlling, or just uses you, then your feelings and heart are leading you astray. Logic, rationale, common sense and good judgment don’t lead you to these types of people. Your head and heart need to work together to lead you to the right types of people for you.
As you reevaluate what is most important to you in a relationship, you’ll begin to be attracted to right types of people. If you don’t want physical looks to be the most important to you, then looks can’t be the number 1 factor in who you are and aren’t attracted to. If godliness is most important to you, then godliness must be the #1 factor in determining your attractions. What you tell yourself (and others) is most important, must be what leads your attractions. Then and only then will you be drawn to the right types of people for you.
It will take a while to re-adjust your thinking and attractions. If that means you give up dating until your attractions have shifted to the right types of people, then do that. When your attractions line up with what is most important to you, then begin dating again. You’ll likely date completely different people…people that are your (new) type.