I can’t believe I finally get to announce that my book will be LAUNCHED on FEBRUARY 10th, 2017!!!! Yep, that means you get to buy it on Amazon, iBooks, Barnes and Noble, or wherever else you might purchase a book. I realize at this point I’m probably way more excited than you, but did I already say I can’t wait for Feb. 10th?! Woohooooo!!!! So, here’s a little more detail about the book and my journey in writing it.
It’s too easy to blame others for your singleness. We’ve already discussed who’s fault it is that you’re still single in my blog, “Is Your Singleness Your Fault, Someone Else’s Fault or God’s Fault?” But I want to discuss the idea that people tend to blame their singleness on men, or women, even though they’re the common denominator.
Q 1 – Is your singleness your fault?
Logically, you know it’s not anyone’s fault; it’s just not the right time for you or you haven’t met the right person yet. But that doesn’t mean you don’t wonder if it’s your fault. Have you ever thought, There must be something wrong with me?
I tend to believe both sentiments: maybe it’s not the right time, and maybe there is something wrong with you. The crazy thing is, there’s something wrong with all of us. I mean seriously, there’s something wrong with me, your friend that just got engaged has issues, and there’s going to be something wrong with your future spouse. After all, we’re only human.
I’m going to be honest (as opposed to lying – haha!). When I got married, people were excited, really excited, especially my family. I’m not sure if they thought I would ever get married. I felt like I was treated a little better after marriage, at least for a short while. I wasn’t treated poorly prior to marriage, not at all, but I definitely noticed a difference in how people treated me post marriage. My husband and I got better gifts for Christmas that year and it seemed like everyone wanted to hang out with us (so they could get to know my husband, of course).
Always look inward first. Be who you want to marry.
Sure, opposites attract. It’s absolutely true. But when it comes to values, character, ethics, and beliefs, opposites shouldn’t be attracting each other. If they are, maybe that’s why you’re relationships are constantly failing (if they are…I don’t actually know if they are or not). So if you want a person with integrity, you need to be a person of integrity. If you don’t want a partier, then stop going to the club. If you want a man with a vision, then you need to be a woman with a vision. If you want a woman who genuinely loves Jesus, then you need to be a man who has an obvious relationship with Jesus. Get it?
A friend of mine figured out sooner than later how important it was to prioritize her godly standards above the rest.
She had recently come out of a toxic relationship, where she and her boyfriend weren’t truly living a Christian life; it was extremely difficult for her to change when she was surrounded by friends that weren’t any different from her. She went through a cycle of breaking up with her boyfriend and getting back together with him over and over. She couldn’t seem to break the cycle.
Eventually, she left the relationship to seek God’s will for her life. She became active in the church and became closer with girlfriends who also loved God. She had an intense moment with God that forever changed her relational trajectory: she asked for forgiveness for not listening, and said, “If you want me to be single for the rest of my life, that’s fine! I just want your will for my life.”
Yes. The answer is always a resounding yes. Many people truly believe that they are ready for marriage, and it’s the other person they’re waiting for. Though that may be true, it’s helpful to look inward to find out if we are truly ready to commit ourselves to someone for the rest of our lives.
So I’ve come up with 8 signs that you are ready for marriage:
If you were to pretend to be your own counselor, what advice would you give yourself?
- Communicate your frustration, ask your question, or state your problem. Out loud.
- Now, respond to yourself with encouragement, advice, or correction. Be objective.
I think the Christian community has done a good job at communicating the fact that we shouldn’t settle for a lame person who will be harmful to us in one way or another. No one should settle for someone who lacks character, is dishonest, misleading, isn’t really living a Christian lifestyle, is mean/unkind, etc. So I’m not going to beat that horse to death, so to speak (hmm – is that even the right cliché?). I don’t want to repeat what every other well-meaning mentor, mother or friend has told you. I’m coming from a different angle – it’s time for you to settle in a different way.