Our attractions should lead us to someone who wants to date us back. Then, and only then, is a relationship formed. But what if our attractions lead us to people who never seem to like us back. Like I’ve discussed in my earlier posts, we can always work on improving us, and therefore, grab the attention of that person we like. Yet, I’ve also said we all (married and single) have issues…we will never be perfect. SO…we can’t always just blame our singleness on the fact that we’re not fully “improved” yet.
Which brings me back to my original point: Our attractions need to lead us to someone who likes us back in order to form a relationship.
You can find Part 1 of why your attractions lead you astray here, which I explain is because many of them are rooted in fear. Part 2 is about your attractions being rooted in insecurity.
For example, you are always attracted to the most popular guy or girl. Their charisma and social status make them super appealing to you. Maybe it’s because you can’t achieve that social status on your own, and without it, you lack confidence and feel insecure. But when you’re connected to Mr. Popular, you automatically feel better about yourself, secure in who you are as a human being, and feel “cool.” (This applies to friendships as well. A good way to tell if this is you is if you’re NEVER interested in befriending people who are not part of the IN crowd. You don’t want to waste your time with them because you need to establish your social status by making friends with the coolest, most popular people. Ahhhh….high school lives on!)
This is just 1 example. There are many other examples that might apply to you instead.
- Be secure in who you are. You have to like the authentic you. The good and bad you. The you you want others to see and the you you’re embarrassed about. You like You.
- Only after #1 is accomplished can you open your heart to different types of people. Maybe “not as cool” of people. But maybe, one of those “not as cool” people will like you back.
- The “cool” factor is just 1 example. Figure out what your unique insecurities are and recognize which of your attractions and standards are rooted in those insecurities.