You want to get married, but you just don’t like anyone. The only person you might be interested in is some guy (or girl) you don’t really know but have created this god-like image in your head of how great he or she is. So you fantasize about men or women that … 1) you can’t have, 2) you don’t know, or 3) who don’t know you. Because the men or women you do know, you don’t like. We put ourselves in this predicament because we prefer fantasy over reality because reality is either too confusing or too hard to deal with (or for some, just too boring).
But what if you genuinely do NOT like anyone?! Let’s say you honestly don’t have any prospective men or women in your world that you would like to date. And maybe it’s been this way for you for a long time.
Well, I’ve been there and this is what I learned about myself:
I had to allow my heart to “like.” I had to be open to people who I wasn’t so sure about. I had to say yes to go on a date when I wasn’t sure how I felt about that person. More guys need to ask out more girls even when they are unsure about how they feel about them. And more girls need to say yes to a date (and maybe a 2nd & 3rd date) even when they are unsure about how they feel about him. After all, isn’t that what dating is all about – solidifying your feelings, or lack thereof, for the other person?
I had to pray. I prayed for marriage rather than praying for a husband. I realize that sounds like the same thing, but because I didn’t like anyone, I didn’t have anyone specific to pray about. Ironically, when I began asking God for marriage in my life, God began to turn my heart towards Sean and I began to “like” him.
I became friends with a lot of guys. Though I’ve heard some people say you can’t be “just friends” with guys, I was still just friends with them! Look…maybe your boy – friend will start to like you, or your girl – friend will start to like you, but so what?! You must be friends with the opposite sex to determine whether you can like that person as more than a friend.
I waited. I enjoyed life. I prayed. I made friends. I continued to live my life. I narrowed down my list of non-negotiables/must-haves/deal breakers and remained patient.
Sometimes there are going to be seasons when you aren’t interested in anyone. That’s ok. But if that season has lasted for years, or maybe even just 1 year, then your desire for marriage probably needs to get stronger and your standards need to change in order for you to be attracted to someone.