Why is it so hard to find someone you want to spend forever with?

No one knows. Or do we? Someone has one answer based on his experience, and another person has a different answer based on her experiences. And still others, mostly married people, think there is something wrong with someone if they’re still single. Of course, they’ll never say that, but if you’re single, you can feel that judgment.

The truth is, there’s something wrong with all of us, singles and marrieds alike. But that’s not the reason it’s so hard to find a spouse.

There are two major reasons that hinder many, if not all, single people from finding their forever love.

  1. You’re waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, but won’t admit that to yourself.

Think of the most important standards you have for the person you want to date. Is it a long list? Be honest with yourself.

Without realizing it, people think that the “best of the best” will come closest to guaranteeing them success. Much like when hiring for a job, you hire the best candidate because even though it’s still a risk, it’s a smaller risk than hiring anyone else. We date the same way. We look for the best (which only makes sense!), and if anyone comes along that doesn’t come close enough to that subconscious list of “best,” we ignore them because the risk of failure is greater.

To Do: Start writing down reasons why you aren’t attracted to someone. Do those reasons align with your non-negotiable’s? If not, re-evauate your standards and align them with your God-given standards. You might find you’re attracted to more people if you truly base your attractions off of those few God-given standards.

  1. You’re afraid of commitment and/or failure.

People don’t want to get divorced, so when someone is looking for a person to marry, they want to see themselves spending forever with that person. But forever is a long time. So you wait and wait and wait and wait for the right person to date and/or marry. Usually, that wouldn’t be such a bad thing, but when there are so many single Christians that don’t feel called to celibacy, it begs the question as to why no one is the “right person” for them.

To Do: Ask yourself if your fears are keeping you single. Write down your fears and bring them to God in prayer. When someone asks you on a date, is it your fears that cause you to reject that person? Or alternatively, is it your fears that keep you from pursuing someone? If so, overcoming your fears is one of the first steps in finding someone you can love.

Start small and pretend to be your own therapist (not that you need one of course!). What advice would you give yourself? How would you answer the question, “Why is it so hard to find someone you want to spend forever with?”

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