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Why You Haven’t You Found The Right One … Yet

If there are people of the opposite sex walking around on this planet in close proximity to you that have many of the most important qualities you’re looking for in a spouse, then why haven’t you found the right one yet? I’d never verbally ask this question…it’s too invasive, too rude, and implies there’s something wrong with you. But if you can hold your judgment of me for a moment, let’s explore the answers to that question.

  1. It’s not the right time.
    1. I hate this answer. Yes, maybe it’s the truth, but too many people tell themselves this and it’s a cop-out response for a season of life they don’t understand. So instead of exploring other reasons as to why they’re still single, they blame it on God and say it’s just not the right time.
    2. Again…maybe it truly, honestly, seriously ISN’T the right time. But do yourself a favor and make sure you’re absolutely confident this is the correct answer for your life for right now.
  2. Everyone else sucks.
    1. OK, OK. Not true. But if you’re the type that is saying, “I AM ready, and I’m NOT too picky, and I’m OPEN to imperfection. But girls suck because they usually turn me down, or guys suck because they never ask me out.”
    2. I’m sorry – it definitely sucks when this happens! And I have the answer you already know: Pray, wait, pray, and wait. The right person will come, so don’t settle for the alright person who barely reciprocates your feelings. There is someone, the right someone, who will like and eventually love YOU. Wait for him or her.
  3. You need to adjust you.
    1. Of course, this applies to all of us at one point or another.
      1. But do you sabotage yourself by constantly shifting the goal marker? For example, when someone comes along who meets your list of qualifications, you decide they aren’t good enough because you suddenly thought of 5 other things you’d like in a spouse that they don’t have.
      2. Or do you ‘protect’ yourself by building a wall of so many qualifications around yourself that no one can get in unless they meet your impossible demand of perfection (which, of course, you won’t admit to yourself)?
    2. Or do you need to change areas of your life that keep you from being attractive to the types of people you’d like to eventually marry. For example:
      1. You’re still addicted to … whatever …
      2. You’re mean.
      3. You have a character problem that you view as harmless, but others (the type of “others” you tend to be drawn to) have a sixth sense that your morals are different than theirs. So though no one can really put their finger on why they aren’t drawn to you, it comes down to differing morals/ethics/character.
      4. Maybe you’re thinking, “Yes, I do need to adjust me. I need to get out of debt first. Or I need to lose about 15-20 pounds to become more attractive to more guys. Or girls like security, so I’d like to get a nicer car first.”
        1. Those areas of adjustment are fine, but if you find yourself only attracted to the type of person who will walk away from someone over such surface level “areas of adjustment,” then I suggest allowing yourself to be attracted to people that aren’t as picky. And if you’re so picky that you can NEVER be attracted to someone due to an extra 15 pounds (or whatever other surface-level annoyance), then you likely need to get over yourself and grow up.

Hopefully, this post is enlightening and helpful. I realize I’m usually blunt and straightforward, which can come across as rude. So I hope you will take what I say with a grain of salt and see beyond the written words and know that I write from the perspective that truth sheds light on what’s hidden from our understanding. If I can help the reader see what is hidden on the inside of them, helping them understand themselves just a little better, they will be able to overcome obstacles that seem like unsolvable mysteries. If I can do this, I’ve accomplished something great.

** I’m interested to find out if there are more reasons as to why you think you haven’t found the right one yet. Feel free to leave a comment on this post or email me at starrburroughs@gmail.com.

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