Is Your Singleness Your Fault, Someone Else’s Fault or God’s Fault?
Q 1 - Is your singleness your fault? Logically, you know it’s not anyone’s fault; it’s just not the right time for you or you haven’t met the right person yet. But that doesn’t mean you don’t wonder if it’s your fault. Have you ever thought, There must be something wrong with me? I tend to believe both sentiments: maybe it’s not the right time, and maybe there is something wrong with you. The crazy thing is, there’s something wrong with all of us. I mean seriously, there’s something wrong with me, your friend that just got engaged has issues, and there’s going to be something wrong with your future spouse. After all, we’re only human.
Just because there is something wrong with you, that’s likely not the reason you’re still single. People who have issues, real issues, are always getting married. But that doesn’t mean you ignore those issues. You are the common denominator in all your relationships, so continue to improve you. Your goal in improving you shouldn’t be so you can find a spouse, it should be because you’re a flawed human being. You should continue to work on improving you even after your married. So is your singleness your fault? Maybe. Maybe not. There’s no point in feeling down about yourself because you are who you are. I believe God will provide someone to love you the way He loves you. But as I already mentioned, you should continue to work on improving you. Q 2 – Is your singleness someone else’s fault? People look at you and think there is something wrong with all men (or women) in the world because they aren’t asking you out. You’re a catch. You know it. Everyone else knows it. So your singleness must be someone else’s fault, right? “He’s just not ready”; “Maybe she hasn’t moved to my city yet;” “He’s growing his relationship with God first;” “She’s not ready for a commitment yet.” But you don’t really know if those thoughts are true, do you? You think you have it all together, and you probably do, but it’s still pointless to blame your singleness on others when you simply can’t control them. So refer back to #1 and continue to improve you, after all, you are the only human being you can control. Q 3 – Is your singleness God’s fault? This is what most single Christians choose to believe. But am I the only one that thinks it was way easier for people two or three decades ago to find someone they wanted to marry? So if that’s the case, and God doesn’t change, meaning it’s not God’s fault that there are suddenly so many Christian singles today, then that must mean, we’re the ones that have changed. Hopefully, you followed that massive run-on sentence. Our culture has changed. The way we view marriage has changed: we have many fears tied to commitment, and people are much more content finding compatibility/sex/love outside of marriage now than they were decades ago. So I don't think it's God's fault that there are so many more single Christians today then there were decades ago. However, the timing of God does come into play when searching for a spouse, but we can’t always blame our singleness on the possibility that it’s just not God’s timing. Bottom line: You can’t blame anyone for your singleness, including you. Hindsight is 20/20, which means you likely won’t know the reasons for your singleness until you’re looking back on your life. Until then, follow Paul’s advice in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35: I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.