Are Your Standards Given to You by Society or by God?


Many Christians have a really great list of non-negotiable’s in regards to who they are or aren’t attracted to. But I have 2 questions about this list of non-negotiable’s:

  1. Do you have a subconscious list that has turned into non-negotiable’s (deal breakers), without you realizing it or admitting it to yourself?

Most people do a pretty good job of coming up with a short list of non-negotiable’s they look for when deciding if they’re attracted to someone or not. Whether this is conscious or subconscious, it’s a list that most people use frequently. These are the traits that turn you on or off to someone. My argument is that many people have a much larger list of deal breakers than they realize. Say there are only 5 items on your list of non-negotiable’s…is there really NO ONE that fits those 5 things? You’re logical, so you’d answer, Well no, but I just don’t like the people who fit those 5 things. OK…but “WHY?” My goal isn’t to get you to like everyone out there, my goal is to get you to understand your filtering process. Based off of your attractions - who you’d ask out or say yes to if asked out or who you’re instantly turned off by or turned on to – what is your ACTUAL list of non-negotiable’s? Figure that out, and you’ll understand yourself and your attractions better. Then once you have that figured out, I believe you’ll give more people a chance and that you might actually “click” with someone.

  1. Who do you think has a greater influence on that list? The Holy Spirit or Society?

 Once again, Christians are convinced their non-negotiable’s are very noble and godly. But for whatever reason, they’re still single even though they’re convinced that what they’re looking for isn’t too much to ask for. And who knows, maybe that’s true. Maybe what you’re asking for isn’t much, but you just can’t seem to find that person. On the other hand, maybe it’s not that you’re asking for too much, it’s that you need to have Holy Spirit guided attractions. I know, I know…that sounds SUPER SPIRITUAL! But think about that list – your attractions – your non-negotiable’s…are they influenced most by society or God. If you have a non-negotiable that you are not willing to marry someone with a child from a previous relationship, then ask yourself, “Did God tell you that, or was that standard created out of your own fears and insecurities?” Or if you are only attracted to really, really beautiful women is it because your attractions are guided by what society says is beautiful, so much so that you aren’t even able to see the beauty of God’s creation inside of someone that isn’t as beautiful as that cover model? Who has more influence on your “list” and your attractions? God or society?


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