The Shame Game


I’m going to be honest (as opposed to lying – haha!). When I got married, people were excited, really excited, especially my family. I’m not sure if they thought I would ever get married. I felt like I was treated a little better after marriage, at least for a short while. I wasn’t treated poorly prior to marriage, not at all, but I definitely noticed a difference in how people treated me post marriage. My husband and I got better gifts for Christmas that year and it seemed like everyone wanted to hang out with us (so they could get to know my husband, of course).

People were just excited about this new man in my life, and I’m sure they also wanted him to love them, so I think they subconsciously treated us (maybe just me) better than normal. It’s hard to explain, but I do remember feeling a sense of, How cool! Everyone’s so excited…they seem to like me better because I have a man in my life! I wasn’t shamed by my family or friends while I was single, but I could feel their worry. They wondered if I would ever find anyone…I’m pretty sure they were more worried than I was. Some people, on the other hand, feel a deep sense of shame or embarrassment for still being single when siblings and friends have gotten married before them. Maybe others cause them to feel that shame, or maybe it’s just them being sensitive and insecure to the fact that they haven’t found “the one” yet. Either way, that feeling of shame is very real. Having confidence in who you are, that there’s nothing wrong with you, and that God has a plan for you, will keep you from feeling ashamed of being single. If you lack confidence, think there's something wrong with who you intrinsically are, and are unsure of God’ plan for you in regards to marriage, you may feel unsure, embarrassed, and ashamed in your season of singleness. Are you confident you're going to get married? Are you confident in who you are? If the answer is no, that feeling of shame and embarrassment will stick with you while you’re single. Sadly, those feelings will remain even after you get married. Marriage only amplifies who you already are. So those feelings may subside for a while after you meet someone who loves you, but they will surface in another area of life. Get closer to God during this season of your life, perfect areas of your life that help you be a better human being and friend, and learn to have confidence in who you are even when you don’t have what you want. Get rid of that shame and don’t let anyone make you feel embarrassed!


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