The Blame Shifter

It's too easy to blame others for your singleness. We’ve already discussed who’s fault it is that you’re still single in my blog, “Is Your Singleness Your Fault, Someone Else’s Fault or God’s Fault?” But I want to discuss the idea that people tend to blame their singleness on men, or women, even though they're the common denominator.

Sure, the reason you’re not married yet could easily be because the person you’re waiting for isn’t ready yet. But since you don’t know that for sure, and since you can’t control anyone else but yourself (as much as you would like to), you have to accept the idea that you cannot shift the blame. It’s extremely difficult to look at yourself, analyze who you are, accept the blame and still LOVE and ACCEPT you. You and God are in charge of your life. I hope your mom, grandma, or some man isn’t in charge of your life…I hope you are. So assuming that’s the case, let’s move on. I have 5 questions for you to see if you're shifting blame on someone else for your singleness:

1. You feel resentment towards men (or women).
   1. You resent them for not seeing how great you are and not loving you, even though you’re so amazing.
2. You resent the person(s) that raised you.
   1. They screwed up. They screwed you up. They’re the reason you’re still single.
3. You resent God.
   1. It all happens in His timing, but His timing sucks. You wonder: Why doesn’t He love me enough to bring me someone to love and marry?
4. You resent your church or Christian community.
   1. You feel they’ve created an awkward environment for dating and/or started a precedent that does a better job at keeping people single than teaching them how to date/marry.
5. You resent your “God-given” personality.
   1. You constantly feel “not good enough.” Your DNA and personality are not the same thing; your DNA cannot change, your personality can. Your personality is shaped mostly by experiences, society, upbringing, and relationships. If you want to change some things about you, without changing the core of who you are, then go for it.

If you’re constantly shifting blame you’ll never change the only person you have control over – you! Instead of looking at your current situation through the lens of anger, bitterness or resentment towards others who have done you wrong, look at it through the lens of what it is you can do to change yourself or the circumstance. Do you hate your city, your church, your family, the men in your life, your friends, etc….? If so, chances are you need to adjust who you are because you can't just blame everyone and everything else for the things you don't like in your life. Maybe you don't "hate" the above list, and instead just really don't like it. Then consider the possibility that you should change your situation - move, change churches, meet different men, make new friends, etc. Stop shifting the blame. It’s pointless and wastes time. Communicate with the Holy Spirit and change your circumstances and/or change you - with the help of God.