The Blame Shifter


It's too easy to blame others for your singleness. We’ve already discussed who’s fault it is that you’re still single in my blog, “Is Your Singleness Your Fault, Someone Else’s Fault or God’s Fault?” But I want to discuss the idea that people tend to blame their singleness on men, or women, even though they're the common denominator.

Sure, the reason you’re not married yet could easily be because the person you’re waiting for isn’t ready yet. But since you don’t know that for sure, and since you can’t control anyone else but yourself (as much as you would like to), you have to accept the idea that you cannot shift the blame. It’s extremely difficult to look at yourself, analyze who you are, accept the blame and still LOVE and ACCEPT you. You and God are in charge of your life. I hope your mom, grandma, or some man isn’t in charge of your life…I hope you are. So assuming that’s the case, let’s move on. I have 5 questions for you to see if you're shifting blame on someone else for your singleness:

  1. You feel resentment towards men (or women).
    1. You resent them for not seeing how great you are and not loving you, even though you’re so amazing.
  2. You resent the person(s) that raised you.
    1. They screwed up. They screwed you up. They’re the reason you’re still single.
  3. You resent God.
    1. It all happens in His timing, but His timing sucks. You wonder: Why doesn’t He love me enough to bring me someone to love and marry?
  4. You resent your church or Christian community.
    1. You feel they’ve created an awkward environment for dating and/or started a precedent that does a better job at keeping people single than teaching them how to date/marry.
  5. You resent your “God-given” personality.
    1. You constantly feel “not good enough.” Your DNA and personality are not the same thing; your DNA cannot change, your personality can. Your personality is shaped mostly by experiences, society, upbringing, and relationships. If you want to change some things about you, without changing the core of who you are, then go for it.

If you’re constantly shifting blame you’ll never change the only person you have control over – you! Instead of looking at your current situation through the lens of anger, bitterness or resentment towards others who have done you wrong, look at it through the lens of what it is you can do to change yourself or the circumstance. Do you hate your city, your church, your family, the men in your life, your friends, etc….? If so, chances are you need to adjust who you are because you can't just blame everyone and everything else for the things you don't like in your life. Maybe you don't "hate" the above list, and instead just really don't like it. Then consider the possibility that you should change your situation - move, change churches, meet different men, make new friends, etc. Stop shifting the blame. It’s pointless and wastes time. Communicate with the Holy Spirit and change your circumstances and/or change you - with the help of God.

1 comment

Well today unfortunately it is the type of women that we now have out there today that are really to blame for many of us very good innocent men that are still single today since we have no reason at all to blame ourselves anyway. It is the women of today that have really changed for the worst of all since so many women today that have their careers which most of them now are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very money hungry as well. These type of women unfortunately will always want the very best of all and will never settle for less either since most of the time they will go after the rich type of men to begin with which certainly explains how very greedy and selfish many women can be these days since it is always about them. And unfortunately many women will take advantage of these men anyway since they always want the men to spoil them all the time which makes these type of women such users and pathetic losers altogether now as well. Very obvious why many of us good men are still single today since we really have no control at all over a woman's behavior now since most of these women don't even have any respect at all for many of us men when we will just try to start a normal conversation with a woman that will attract us which never works out for us at all unfortunately. So it is the women of today that have really changed and not us men at all now that women are so very Liberated today and really think their God's gift to men which their Not at all. After all which it now really does take two to tango these days.
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