You're the Common Denominator


If you were to pretend to be your own counselor, what advice would you give yourself?

  • Communicate your frustration, ask your question, or state your problem. Out loud.
  • Now, respond to yourself with encouragement, advice, or correction. Be objective.

Do you find that there are more solutions to your problems than you realize? For example, if a girl were to come to me and explain all of her dating issues, since I would have an objective perspective, I could, in time, figure out that she has some problems (assuming she does, and assuming not all the guys that didn’t “click” with her were the ones with the problems). I could do this because I wouldn’t be emotionally invested in the situation and I wouldn’t be as familiar with how amazing she is. As a result, I might be a little more cruel in my judgment of her situation since I don't know her personally or know all the great things about her. Which would make it easier for me to be able to see what the men who don’t ask her out again see. So, be objective; judge yourself. Go ahead. Be nice, but objectively try to find a solution. After all, you are the common denominator in all your relationships. Think of your last 5 dates…

  1. Did you say yes to self-obsessed, or mean, or lazy, or godless, or uninterested men (or women)? You’re the common denominator; you said yes. So get help from close friends or mentors on how to pick better dates.
  2. Did you talk to much? Were you the one self-obsessed?
  3. Were you superficial, causing you to quickly become disinterested? Of course, you’d say it was your “high standards,” but character, loyalty and kindness matter; not his balding head. You’re the common denominator; get over yourself and stop prioritizing superficial qualities.
  4. Are you never satisfied? Do you self-sabotage? Is something always wrong with the other person?
  5. Do you come across as confident? Genuinely interested in the person sitting across the table from you? Do you smile?

Exercise 1: Write down your behavior when you meet men or women…remember, you’re the common denominator. If you can accurately and objectively assess your behavior, and still feel like you’re an awesome date, then… Exercise 2: …Analyze the type of guys or gals you like. Maybe you’re always interested in the wrong type of person for you. If that’s the case then…, Exercise 3: …Write down the patterns you see in your attractions. Analyze why you’re attracted to those traits in a person, and then… Exercise 4: … Open yourself up to different types of people. You bring you on every date. You want to find a match for you. Accept the fact that you are the common denominator, so pray, be objective, and according the exercises above, make the appropriate changes.  


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