5 Things Sean Wishes He Knew When He Was Single
What a cool opportunity I have to be a guest writer on my wife’s great blog! I hope you have enjoyed some of the great wisdom that I get to listen to on a daily basis. When she asked me to jump in and write this quick blog, I was so excited. This list is in no way all-encompassing, but I hope you get something out of it. Here are 5 things I wish I knew when I was single:
- Asking a woman out on a date didn’t have to be so complicated.
- I remember being single and having this enormous stress on me. It wasn’t as much about money, career, or even health. One of the largest sources of stress I can remember had to do with asking women out on dates. For whatever reason, there seems to be a culture within many churches that tells men to ask women out, but at the same time looks down on men who actually do it. If it were up to me, I would tell men to do 2 things:
- Learn to have intimacy with the Holy Spirit first. He will give you wisdom, discernment, and direction.
- Then, if you have any interest in getting to know a woman more, go for it! Coffee doesn’t have to mean marriage, and if communication is healthy, expectations will be correctly set from day one.
- Looks are a matter of preference and only get better when in love.
- Whether most men are willing to admit it or not, we make looks a much bigger deal than they should be. I don’t believe we should ignore how culture shapes our attractions, but rather we should acknowledge it and move way beyond it.
- As a single man, I know I made it too big of a deal. (I used to manage for A&F for goodness sakes.) Now as a married man, I see how much of my wife’s beauty comes from me. As weird as it sounds to you, it sounds just as strange to type, but follow with me for a second.
- The longer I have been with my wife, the more I have seen her blossom and flourish. As she continues to grow into who God has designed her to be, she only becomes more attractive to me. So many men make their decision to ask a woman out largely on that woman's level of attractiveness. I want to ask the gentleman to take a moment to think about his role in this whole scenario. I’m not saying that you have to pursue women you are not attracted to, but rather to reset where your standards come from, and look forward to making your future wife even more attractive.
- Practice self-awareness now.
- Self-awareness is such a broad term. In this blog post I will cover one aspect of it. Have you ever taken a second to understand why you do what you do? Why do you do what you do for work? What your dreams are? Where they came from? Where does a husband/wife fit into your dreams? As you go into marriage one day, it is good for you to be able to understand these things so that you can best plan for the needs of your future spouse. If you don’t understand you, your spouse will have absolutely no shot at understanding you.
- Marriage can be better than you expect.
- Our generation is unique, unlike any other. So many of us come from families with less than exemplary marriages. Whether it was your parents, or another couple, someone around you shaped your views on how great marriage can be.
- I was one of those people who saw marriage as an incredible thing to look forward to. I had an extremely high bar for what it could turn into. It’s crazy for me to think that Starr and I are about to hit our 5-year anniversary in August. It seems like we just got married. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been more than worth it. Gentlemen, marriage will be as good as you are willing to invest into it. Make a commitment now to expect great things, and lead your marriage into greatness!
- Learn to communicate well with women because you will need to try to understand your wife.
- Guys, I can already hear you through my computer. “Understand women? There is a better chance of the sun rising in the west!” I understand it isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. To be honest, the best things in life take work and provide an incredible reward. Good communication with your wife will be key to a great marriage, so why not practice good communication now!
I hope these things helped you just a little. Have a great week and remember to enjoy your life, single or married!! Sean