Why is it that so many Christians communicate such noble, spiritual traits they’re looking for in a spouse and have a supposed small list of standards they’re choosing from, but are still single?


Longest. Title. Ever. Is your answer because it’s just not the right season for you and you haven’t met the right person yet? That’s the best answer I came up with when I was single. But seriously, is it really that NO ONE IS EVER IN THE RIGHT SEASON FOR MARRIAGE or that they haven’t met the right person yet? (Sorry for yelling my question).

The dilemma I see is that there are some people who are truly open to dating and aren’t working from some crazy list of wants and desires (as if God is a genie…), but since so many other people are, they can’t find someone else that will like them back because that other person is still holding onto their exhaustive list of qualifications before they can be attracted to anyone. Do you follow? Even IF someone is actually open to many different people, it’s hard for them to find someone else that is also open and will like them back. So even though Christians may communicate their wonderful list of qualifications, I think that oftentimes they aren’t being honest with themselves. If they were, it’d be easier for them to reciprocate feelings towards the person who is interested in them, or it’d be easier for them to be interested in others. Maybe you aren’t in the right season for marriage, and that’s why you haven’t experienced the type of reciprocation that results in a relationship. But my opinion is that Christians have spiritualized this “season” of marriage so much so that they are paralyzed in fear and worry about when the right time is and who the right person is. So instead of admitting that maybe they’re holding onto some standards that aren’t from God, which may be keeping them single, they blame their singleness on things they can’t control, like God’s timing. So think about your list of qualifications…and live by them! Actually, choose and be attracted to people who meet those few noble, godly standards. Otherwise, admit that you have more and/or different standards than you realized. And that maybe those standards are keeping you single. If you’re ok with that, then at least admit those standards to yourself. If you’re not ok with that, then change those standards. But don’t tell your mom, yourself, and your pastor that all you really want is someone you connect with who loves Jesus and is attractive, because I can line up 100 women that meet those qualifications (ok, 100 is a slight exaggeration). Be more honest with yourself…figure out what standards you’re really choosing from, and admit that 1) you aren’t ready for marriage yet, 2) you need to change your standards, 3) or if you’re convinced you’re standards are on point, then you simply have to wait. (P.S.: If you’ve been waiting for 10-15 years, your standards aren’t on point.)


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