The Value of Reciprocation
When Sean and I dated, I enjoyed knowing he liked me just as much as I liked him – this made me feel confident in “us.” Dating can be complicated, and it’s incredibly difficult to interpret the other person’s actions and words. Often, an individual is unsure about their feelings for the other person, sometimes even confused by their own feelings, which then makes it even more difficult for the other person to interpret those feelings.
So, say, Sarah is positive about her feelings for Joe. She would love it if their relationship progressed to the next level, and she could even see them getting married down the road. Joe, however, isn’t sure if that’s what the end of their story is going to look like. But Sarah is so confident that she continues to give her all even though, deep down, she knows Joe isn’t reciprocating her feelings at the same level. She gives her all for the next year of her life. Joe, realizing that their relationship either needs to progress to the next level or end, still isn’t 100% positive that he’s so in love with Sarah that he wants to marry her and spend forever with her and have children with her and grow old with her. So he ends the relationship. Why did Sarah give Joe everything? Maybe she misinterpreted his feelings. Maybe her desire to love and be loved blinded her to the truth. Or maybe his lack of reciprocation wasn’t that obvious, but most men aren’t that good convincing a woman he loves her when he doesn’t…for an entire year! Don’t underestimate the power of reciprocated feelings. If you genuinely love the other person, be genuinely confident in their love for you. This confidence will grow over time, but if it doesn’t, then maybe it’s time to move on. I’m not talking after two weeks here, I’m talking about when you’re either going to pop the question or answer the question. And realistically, you should be confident in how the other person feels about you way before an engagement! Don’t give up months or years of your life to someone you’re 100% invested in only to find out that they weren’t 100% invested in you. Use your discernment and judgment to know whether he or she reciprocates your feelings. Pray, asking God for clarity and understanding. Gain courage and have a difficult conversation to learn about his or her true feelings, or lack thereof. Use that courage to either walk away, or deal with your fears and allow your heart to love. No one wants to waste their time, but know that if you spent too much time in a relationship(s) that didn’t work out, your time still wasn’t wasted. You learned. You grew. You changed. You’re smarter. You’re stronger. Learn from your past. Please, choose the person that loves you wholeheartedly and unconditionally. If you’re a man, choose a woman who loves who you are right now, not who you will become. If you’re a woman, choose a man who appreciates your love and knows how to show you love (or at least is willing to learn how to show you love). ** Stay tuned for my next post: "8 Tips to Determine if your Feelings are Reciprocated."