8 Tips to Determine if your Feelings are Reciprocated


My last post, The Value of Reciprocation, explains how important reciprocation is in a healthy relationship. This post will discuss how to know if your feelings are being reciprocated. What we want to avoid is taking too much time to figure this out. Why give months and even years of your life to a relationship if you aren’t 100% positive the other person is right for you? As an adult, it shouldn’t take many months or years to figure out if someone is the right person. (I understand there are always exceptions and unique circumstances). So below is a small list of what to look for in a significant other to determine if that person reciprocates your feelings:


  • Does he respond when you initiate phone calls, texts, hanging out, dates, and other normal activities that happen in a relationship?


  • Does he initiate those normal activities? Does he reach out to you, communicate with you, plan dates, etc.?


  • The levels of commitment will look very different at different stages in the relationship. But if both people have decided to date exclusively, then that means each person has decided to commit.
  • Does his definition of commitment look the same as your definition? Is he still “seeing” other people? Has he verbally committed to you, but his actions say otherwise?

Open & Honest

  • If you find yourself questioning his level of honesty and integrity, that’s a red flag. If you’re crazy paranoid because of your previous experiences, then get a (smart) friend to either tell you you’re being paranoid, or that he’s not being honest (then LISTEN to that smart friend).
  • If he’s an open and honest person, he wants a relationship with you (this also means he’s capable of having a healthy one).


  • He LIKES spending time with you. If he doesn’t enjoy hanging out with you, someone else will!!! Seriously, don’t make excuses for him (or her) for why they rarely want to spend time with you.

Likes You

  • I know this seems obvious, but he should genuinely like you!! Duh. If he acts like he doesn’t like you, stop giving your time and effort to the relationship.


  • Depending on where you’re at the relationship, there should be talks of what your future will look like together.


  • You aren’t fighting all the time. There is peace in the relationship. You feel comfortable, safe, admired, respected, important, etc.
  • Pray before and during every relationship, and ask God to give you peace if it’s the right person for you or to take peace away if it’s not the right person for you.

Men experience lack of reciprocation as well, much more often than women realize. These simple, practical tips can be used for both men and women to evaluate their feelings, as well as the other person’s feelings in the relationship.


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