What Does it Mean to Be Too Picky?


Has anyone ever told you that you’re too picky? Or have you described someone else as too picky? People think this when someone just can’t bring himself or herself to like decent human beings. That person is never interested in anyone, never pursues anyone, always has a complaint about a prospect, and spends far more of his or her time being single than dating. Instead of a serial dater, he or she is a serial non-dater. OK…that’s not even a thing, but you get my point. So…are you too picky? Here’s how to find out:

  1. Be honest and write down your list of all-encompassing standards.
  • Back when I was in my late teens and early 20’s people advised against this because they were concerned we wouldn’t budge if someone didn’t meet every criteria on that list.
    • But this list is so you can determine if you’re being too picky.
  • Categorize this list into: Must Have’s, Preferred’s, and Wants.
  • If you’re choosing from your list of wants, you’re probably being too picky.
  1. It’s hard for you to like people as more than friends, and you don’t know why.
  • I get it…sometimes (or in your case, all the time) you just don’t like anybody. Does this really mean you’re too picky??
  • No. I’m an advocate for never forcing yourself to like anyone even if you don’t know why you don’t like that person. You probably just know he or she isn’t right for you.
  • To help you understand yourself better, you’ll need to figure out what the common theme is among all these people who you don't ever seem to be interested in. And there will be a common theme…it just may be difficult to figure out.
  • Now…is that common theme a Must Have for you? For example, the girls you know don’t seem to be as committed to church as you. Or the guys you know don’t seem to be interested in you, and you need a man to pursue you in order for you to be interested in him.
    • If that common theme is a Want, and not a Must Have, then you’re probably being too picky!
  1. How big is your “Must Have” list?
  • As much as you may disagree with me, your Must Have list must be very small! As in 5 things…if you can’t stick to only 5, then maybe 7. We’re talking small.
  • If you’re moving your Preferred’s and Wants over to your Must Have’s, then you’re being too picky. If your Must Have’s already alienate large amounts of people because of ethnicity, culture, or religion then you can’t be picky about the other categories. If you’re still single at 30 because no one is ever tall enough for you, then you’re singleness is your own fault. 6 feet tall shouldn’t be on your list of Must Have’s…but that’s just my opinion.

I don’t like it when someone is accused of being too picky since it’s too broad of a generalization to make. The problem is that 22 year old’s think they can be as picky as they want, but eventually a decade passes and they realize the things they cared about at 22 actually aren’t that important. So if you can start out at a young age caring only about what is most important (the Must Have’s), then you won’t have to change your standards when you’re 32. Ultimately, you won’t ever change if you don’t think you’re being too picky. So you must honestly evaluate yourself and whether you think you’re being too picky or not. If you’re working from your Must Have’s then you won’t be too picky, even if you’re Must Have’s alienate large groups of people. On the other hand, if your Preferred’s and Wants determine your attractions and who you do and don’t like, then there is a good chance you’re being too picky!


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