How Do You Know if You’re Equally Yoked?


In my previous post I wrote about what it means to be equally yoked. In this post, I will provide you with some helpful tips on how to tell if you are equally yoked with someone.

First, what does that person’s fruit look like? OK, OK, “fruit” is such a spiritual word to use. But it’s necessary to pay attention to the kind of fruit he or she produces in order to know if you are equally yoked or not.

  • If he's been a Christian for a shorter time than you, but is producing fruit, then maybe you guys are still equally yoked.
  • Some people have been Christians for years, but you would never know it because they don’t ever produce fruit.
  • Fruit can be: disciples/mentee's, grace, forgiveness, mercy, honesty, etc. The best definition of what godly fruit looks like is found in Galatians 5:22-23: 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Second, does that person have a personal relationship with Jesus? If you aren’t sure, then you probably don’t know him or her well enough. Start by giving that person the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming they don’t personally know Jesus just because his or her relationships with Jesus looks different from yours.

  • HOWEVER, get to know him by befriending him, not dating him. If after being friends with that person you still don’t know, then you probably aren’t equally yoked! This doesn’t mean he isn’t a Christian, it just means you guys don’t have a similar enough Christian lifestyle.

Third, do you guys agree on the definition of the word “Christian?” People can be equally yoked that aren’t Christians - they both believe in God so they give themselves the title of Christian. But if you’re relationship with God has more to do with a lifestyle than just admitting that God is real, then find someone who has the same definition as you (besides, a Christian's definition of Christian should come from the Bible anyways).

  • If someone is a Christian, but is struggling in similar areas in life as you, then you can still be equally yoked (for example, struggling through any sort of addiction).
  • But if you’re a Christian who has never had an addiction, and are contemplating dating a Christian who is an alcoholic, or a recently recovered alcoholic, I’d say you aren’t equally yoked. I’d wait until that person has been sober for a long, long time and is producing fruit, and then you might be equally yoked.
  • So what does it mean to be a Christian to you? Answer that and find someone who has a very similar answer as you, and chances are, you will be equally yoked. Remember, equally yoked simply means you guys are walking/running at the same pace in your Christian walk - you're of equal strength and height spiritually.

I’ve heard it said that an individual should continue to run at her pace in her Christian walk with God, and when she’s ready to get married, look to her right and left. Whoever is running at the same pace is a potential prospect for her! And that can be a lot of people!! So with a lot of prayer, discernment, and wisdom you will eventually find that right fit for you. Let God lead you as you walk/run through this journey called life!  


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