Why We’re All Looking for Perfection


I know you don’t think you are. Of course you don’t expect your spouse to be perfect. You’re way too logical and rational for that kind of thinking. But your friend Susie somehow snagged a pretty great guy, and she has way more issues than you. And somehow Joe attracted one of the most eligible bachelorettes on the market, at least in your opinion. And he’s kind of a dud. So…you can find someone at least as good as whom they found. Not perfect of course.

But I think the reason most people are looking for the near-perfect person is because they will have a greater chance at success if they can find someone who doesn’t have a lot of issues/baggage/problems/struggles/past ugliness/etc. Makes sense, right? After all, when an employer is hiring for a job, he or she is looking for the best candidate because with that person they will have a greater chance of success. Ironically, we interview for a significant other in the same way. Who wouldn’t want a more “qualified” significant other? A person who is whole, emotionally and mentally healthy, physically fit, success-minded, healed from past wounds, etc. Everyone seems to want this. Unfortunately, all of these great characteristics happen on the journey of life with a significant other. This means, that if you’re willing to partner with a not-so-perfect human being, you’ll probably have to put up with some crap. I guess, ultimately, you decide what that crap is going to be. But for people who are more skeptical, and who have their own past wounds, they prefer to partner with the ‘most-whole’ person, because that person, and their great qualities, will offer them a smoother marital relationship. And a greater chance of successfully making this marriage thing work. Again…what’s wrong with that? you wonder. Well, you’re still single. That’s what’s wrong with that. You’re waiting for the near-perfect person and you don’t realize it. Look…my point isn’t to tell you to partner with a messed up person (although, if you’re messed up, you’ll likely attract a messed up person). My point is that you and the Holy Spirit, and a mentor or two, should decide what crap you are willing to deal with. The most whole, most godly, most perfect, most wonderful person doesn’t guarantee you the most healthy marriage. Stop submitting to your list of man-made, or society-made qualifications for a spouse. Submit to the qualifications you’ve received from God. Ya…super duper spiritual sounding. But if falling in love isn't easy for you, and no one is the right person for you, and it never seems to be the right time, then you probably need a super duper spiritual, godly intervention. Just like I did.


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