Why You Aren’t Getting Asked Out


I noticed a pattern when I was single. Single girls that seemed to get asked out often were girls that were confident, easily engaged in conversation with men, appeared to enjoy life, and seemed to want friendship with the opposite sex. The girls who appeared “stuck-up,” whether it was due to their own insecurities or lack of interest in that particular (or every) man, were rarely even approached by men. They didn’t seem to like men, didn’t appear to want friendship with them, were possibly afraid of them or confused about how to act around them, and could never initiate or even hold a conversation with them. If you think you’re a catch, which you probably are, but aren’t getting asked out, do you know why? Is your gut reaction to that question to blame the lame, passive Christian men you’re surrounded by? If so, I’m definitely going to challenge your blame-shifting tendencies.

Here are 3 questions to ask yourself to help you determine why you aren’t getting asked out:

  1. Are you confident?
    1. As in, confident around men?
    2. If you can easily converse with other men, and naturally enjoy their company, it’s going to be easier for you to have more male friends. This then gets you on the right path for a potential relationship.
  2. Do you hate men?
    1. Of course not, right?! OK, so hate is a strong word.
      1. But do you have this underlying disrespect towards most men? Do you berate the men you do come in contact with? Do you belittle them, shame them, make fun of them, point out all their weaknesses, accuse them of chauvinism and sexism? If you’re answer is yes to any of these questions, men won’t ever want to be friends with you, much less date you!
    2. There’s a much deeper issue going on here. Take some time to heal by, first, admitting there is an issue, second, communicating with the Holy Spirit who is your counselor, third, seeking out counsel from others who can provide you with wisdom/direction/insight/prayer.
  3. Are you unhappy?
    1. We all go through difficult seasons of life where we just don’t feel happy, happy, happy. That’s OK. But when you’re in a perpetual state of unhappiness, this produces negativity, and most people, including male prospects, don’t want to be around your constant complaining and negativity.

Be your own judge. If you don’t fall under any of the above categories then it’s possible now isn’t the right time for you, the men you’re surrounded by aren’t the right men for you, or maybe dating isn’t even on your radar right now. But if you see yourself (even a small glimpse) in any of the categories listed above, then some of those are the reasons you aren’t getting asked out! It’s worth some self-reflection to help you understand the pause, or full-on stop, in your dating world. Be gentle and kind to yourself, yet at the same time, honest.


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