How Do You Know If You’re With the Right One?


Let’s say you’re the type of person who has prayed about the type of person God has for you. :) You try not to put too much value on insignificant, superficial, or societal standards. Not that they’re all bad, but you practice prioritizing your standards in your search for your life-long mate. You aren’t too picky. You know God has someone amazing for you, but you don’t want to walk away from someone just because they’re too short, too round, too skinny, too poor, or too whatever for you. You’ve narrowed down your list to the non-negotiables you’ve prayed about and feel peace about keeping. But a new problem has risen…you know at least a dozen people who meet this small list qualifications. So, how do you choose?

You may not believe there is only one person in a world of 7 billion people made just for you, but you still think there is a right person for you. I mean, not just anyone fits the bill. But if you’ve begun to realize that there are many people who might be a good fit for you, then how can you tell who the right one is???

  1. Your heart and emotions will decide for you.
  • BUT your heart and emotions are literally crazy. Often, bipolar-ish. If you’re like me and your emotions take a back seat to your rational/logic, then you need to know that you have to FEEL something for the person you’re with.
  • You can’t just choose someone because they fit the 5 things you have on your list. Or because he’ll make a good husband. Or because she has an inspiring relationships with Jesus. You can’t just break a relationship down to a science and choose someone based on your own logic and reasoning. You heart has to be drawn to this person…you have to LIKE her…you have to feel something for her.
  • SIDE NOTE: If you feel something for everyone you’re with, then this point is moot. It doesn’t really apply to you. But if your heart never skips a beat, and suddenly it does, it doesn’t mean she’s The One. It just means that you’re on the right path to allowing your heart to F.E.E.L (which is great!!).
  1. You need to feel like you’re with your soul mate.
  • Even if you don’t believe in soul mate’s. Even if you know there could be more than one right person for you. Even if you’re the type of guy who thinks God did an exceptional job of creating so many beautiful women that you can’t ever choose…the one you do choose, needs to feel like your soul mate.
  • If you don’t feel like you’re with the person that God created JUST FOR YOU, then why are you with her? I mean seriously, what are the reasons your with her? Your logical brain can know that there might be other options out there for you, but emotionally, your heart should feel like…God sent you an angel…God sent you the best gift ever…God created this woman with you in mind…you hit the jackpot…your way out of your league. Your heart should feel something magnificent. Everyone’s story will be different, so you don’t have to feel all these things, but I hope you feel something.
  1. You’re in a romantic relationship, not a comfort relationship.
  • I’m not implying your man has to be the romance king, or have any romantic bone in his body for that matter. What I’m saying is that you should be in a relationship that is romantic, as in, founded on love not comfort or security.
  • Love is the foundation­-the cake; comfort and security are the cherry on top, or the icing. Whatever…you get my point.
  • Some people stay in a relationship for so long that they get their comfort with that person confused with their love for that person. COMFORT DOES NOT EQUAL ROMANTIC LOVE. Just because you can fart in front of someone and not feel uber embarrassed doesn’t mean he’s your soul mate. Just typing that feels really weird J Comfort and security are great, they’re necessary in a relationship. If you feel love for someone, but don’t have a sense of comfort and/or security, then I would suggest you feel lust or infatuation, not love. I believe you need all three in a healthy relationship.
  • But LOVE is the motivator; it’s what pulls you to that person like a magnet. Comfort and security should follow. Again, everyone has their own story, so I know it has happened the other way around for some. But for those people, love eventually followed…on BOTH sides.
  • *** I can see how some people might disagree with this point. I’d be interested to know why. If you have your reasons that you’d like to share, comment on my post or email me at

Love and feelings and emotions and heart are necessary to include in determining if you’re with the right person. But like we all know, they’re crazy, which is why having a successful relationship can be so difficult. The Holy Spirit must be included in your process…He must. Include other people who can be objective, and then have the courage to heed their advice. And if you never open your heart up to the opposite sex, you’ll find that you never like anyone, or that no one is ever good enough, or that everyone else has all the issues, when in reality you’re emotionally paralyzed. It’s time to allow your heart to have a voice – the Holy Spirit will help you sort out all the emotions that brings.